# Discovering Haarlem: A Window into Dutch Culture Through a B&B Stay
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## Introduction: The Unexpected Charm of Haarlem
I believe a regular dose of travel memories can be good for the soul. Some of my fondest recollections come not from grand landmarks or famous museums, but from unexpected encounters and intimate conversations. One such memory takes me back to the summer of 2008, in the Amsterdam suburb of Haarlem. While many visitors flock to the Dutch capital, I chose to stay in this quieter, charming town—a decision that rewarded me with a deeper understanding of Dutch culture. Haarlem is a hidden gem, offering cobblestone streets, historic buildings, and a relaxed atmosphere that contrasts with Amsterdam’s hustle. But the true highlight was my B&B and its hosts, Hans and Marjet.
## The B&B Advantage: More Than Just a Bed
Staying in a B&B saves money, but the real bonus is the cultural exchange. Unlike hotels, B&Bs provide a window into local life. Hans and Marjet’s home was a three-room dwelling they shared with guests, filled with well-worn chairs, crowded bookshelves, funky near-antiques, and an upright piano littered with tattered music. They encouraged guests to feel completely at home. As I sat in their living room, reaching for a Heineken, I noticed the beer sat on a handbook produced by the Dutch government to teach prostitutes about safe sex. Thumbing through it, I remarked, “It’s both artistic and explicit.”
“It’s Victoria without the secret,” Hans whispered playfully.
“Isn’t this shocking to a lot of people?” I asked.
“Only to the English and the Americans,” he replied. “Remember, this is Holland.” He went on to describe a recent TV documentary about body piercing, in full graphic detail, and a special on the Kama Sutra. “To us Dutch, these were only two more documentaries… no big deal. Perhaps these would have been big hits on American TV.”
## Cultural Contrasts: From Sex to Smiles
I mentioned that the most-visited page on my website was an article comparing Amsterdam’s two sex museums. “Sex is not clickbait here. It’s not a taboo in Holland,” said Marjet. “But we are not reckless with sex, either. The Dutch teen pregnancy rate is one-half the American rate.” This openness extends beyond sex to everyday interactions. Hans and Marjet shared stories about the cultural differences they observed in their guests.
“Americans like hard advice and to be directed,” Hans noted. “Europeans—especially the Germans—they know what they want. The French take three days to defrost. But Americans talk and make friends quickly. Europeans, even with no language differences, keep their private formal island at the breakfast table.” He illustrated this by pointing to two kitchen tables: “If there are Germans sitting here and Americans there, I break the ice. Introducing the Americans to the Germans, I say, ‘It’s okay, they left their guns in the States.’ We Dutch are like the Germans—but with a sense of humor.”
## The English Beach Story: A Lesson in Modesty
Marjet urged Hans to tell the “Dutch boys on the English beach” story. “As a schoolboy I traveled with a buddy to England,” Hans began. “We changed our pants on the beach without the towel hassle—no problem. We’re good Dutch boys. As usual, the beach had an audience: bench-loads of retired Brits enjoying the fresh air, suffering through their soggy sandwiches. When my friend began changing into his swimsuit, all the people turned their heads away. Amused by our power to move the English masses, we repeated the move. I pulled my trousers down and all the heads turned away again.” Marjet laughed as if hearing it for the first time: “We don’t see many English on our beaches.” Hans added, “We get mostly Americans.”
“We’d be happy to fill our house with only Americans,” said Marjet. “Americans are easy to communicate with. They’re open. They taught me to express myself, to say what I really think.” Hans broke in with an imitation: “Oh wow, this is grrreat! What a grrreat house you have here!” “Americans get flabbergasted,” Marjet added. “The English don’t know how to be flabbergasted,” said Hans. “I think you nearly flabbergasted them on that beach,” Marjet said. “When we visited Colorado, my trip went better when I learned to say ‘wow’ a couple of times a day.”
## The Art of Honest Compliments: Dutch vs. American Styles
Curling comfortably in the corner of the sofa, Marjet explained another nuance: “When an American asks, ‘How are you?’ we say, ‘Okay,’ to mean ‘good.’ The American says, ‘That doesn’t sound very good.’ We explain, ‘We’re European.'” Hans added, “Then the American replies, ‘Oh, yes—you’re honest.'” Fascinated by the smiley-face insincerity of America, Marjet said, “In the US, even supermarket shopping bags have big ‘smile and be a winner’ signs.” I agreed, noting that only in America could you find a bank that fines tellers if they don’t tell every client to ‘Have a nice day.’
Hans mentioned that the Dutch are the most wanted workers at Disneyland Paris because they are open-minded, can smile all day, and speak multiple languages. “In Holland when someone asks, ‘Do you speak your languages?’ they mean: Do you speak French, German, and English, along with Dutch?” Marjet explained. Hans joked, “Can you imagine a French person having to smile all day long?” He topped off my Heineken and quipped, “God created all the world. It was marvelous. But France… it was just too perfect. So he put in the French to balance things out.” Marjet added, “And Canada could have had it all: British culture, French cuisine, American know-how. But they messed up and got British food, French know-how, and American culture.”
## Practical Tips for a Haarlem B&B Stay
If you’re planning a trip to the Netherlands, consider basing yourself in Haarlem rather than Amsterdam. The town is just a 15-minute train ride from Amsterdam Centraal, yet offers lower prices and a more authentic experience. Look for B&Bs like Hans and Marjet’s that prioritize guest interaction. When choosing a B&B, read reviews that mention hosts who enjoy engaging with guests. Expect a shared living space and communal breakfast tables where conversations flourish. Be prepared for Dutch directness and openness, which can be refreshing. Also, note that many Dutch people speak excellent English, so language barriers are minimal.
## Embracing the Dutch Lifestyle
As I climbed the steep Dutch stairs to my bedroom in the loft, I pondered the value of friends on the road. The most memorable moments of that day came after I was done sightseeing. It wasn’t the windmills or canals that left a lasting impression, but the intimate glimpse into Dutch culture shared by Hans and Marjet. Their hospitality and honesty taught me that travel is as much about connecting with people as it is about seeing places. So next time you visit the Netherlands, skip the impersonal hotel chain in Amsterdam and book a B&B in Haarlem. You might just leave with a new understanding of what it means to be open, honest, and flabbergasted.
